Everything's Great, But I'm Not Happy

This past weekend Rocky went with me to the mall to return some preggo pants that I didn't like.  I tried on a million other pairs, but all of them made me look like a tick...short, round, and squatty.  In frustration I hung them all back up and told him we should just get a refund.  And then I burst into tears and had a total meltdown in the middle of the  mall.  He handled the return while I sobbed at the front of the store, pretending no one could tell because I put my sunglasses on.  I proceeded to cry hysterically all the way home and for about an hour after that.  Then yesterday I spent two and a half hours at the domain trying to find a dress for a wedding that didn't make me feel like a watermelon.  I finally settled on one (that I WILL be wearing Spanx under) and called it a day on the verge of tears AGAIN.  Funny how shopping now has that affect on me. 

It's a little ridiculous.  Not the crying, but being pregnant (gasp!).  I know, you aren't supposed to say it out loud, much less put it in print.  But it's true...and I think with all that's going on with my body, I deserve a good cry every now and then.

It isn't that I don't want the baby.  I'm over the moon about the baby.  In fact, give it to me now and let's call it a day.  The baby I love.  Being pregnant I hate.  I'm ready for the baby to live on the outside of me.  I get that I'm creating a new life, I have super powers, it's a miracle, blah, blah, blah.  I don't care.  It sucks.  And I don't want to hear how it will be worth it in the end.  I know... that's where I'd like to be now.  Bring on the sleepless nights, the two a.m. feedings, the diapers, the mess.  I will take it all right now and you can keep the bloating, the belly, the mood swings, the total loss of control of you own body.

And I know that I sound like a brat.  I have had the easiest pregnancy known to man and I appreciate that and feel lucky and blessed.  It still doesn't make me like it.  It's like having the flu.  If it only last a few days, you are extremely thankful that you weren't out a week or more with it.  It does not mean you are jumping up and down yelling, "Yay!  I have the flu.  Whoo hoo!"

So judge me if you must, but these are the facts.  And for my two friends who are closely watching me to see whether or not they want to embark on the journey, I want you to know that I wouldn't undo it.  I hate it, but it's a means to an end.  I definitely do not understand those women who are depressed after having the baby because they aren't pregnant anymore.  I assure you that will not me me.  We will be having a huge "Hurray the Baby is Out!" party.  Prepare yourselves. 

Pinterest.com

So my addiction to online shopping has only gotten worse with the discovery of pinterest.com.  I will say it has also inspired me to be a little more creative, but it is also inspiring me to spend a lot  more money.  As soon as my husband figures out what is going on, I will more than likely be on a budget.  Lucky for me, I handle the checking account and all the bills so that day is hopefully a while off.

I started crafty first.  I got inspired one weekend while Rocky was in Matagorda fishing and I made some Christmas decorations.  All very simple and super cheap.  I spent about a half hour in Hobby Lobby and I was set for the weekend.  The result:

Christmas trees (there is supposed to be a third one with swirls, but that got a little out of control and has been postponed until I have more time on my hands.  

A Christmas card holder (this is not actually the one I created.  Mine is cuter, but I didn't take a picture of it).

and a Christmas K!  I have no idea what to do with this, but it was so cute I had to make it. 

  My next project is a Christmas wreath, which I am very very excited about.  It could possibly be on the agenda for this weekend.  I am always looking for ways to entertain myself and avoid the craziness of fantasy football. 

Next, on Pinterest I came across fantastic organizing ideas.  It's not nesting because 1) it's way too early for that and 2) I was totally like this before I was pregnant.  So, I saw pictures like this

and decided that my house had to be organized just like that.  We have the smallest closets known to man and baskets would solve all my problems.  So, I found this amazing website (http://www.luckyclovertrading.com/) where I could order baskets wholesale.  I found these baskets which are 15 x 11 x 9 for $7.00 each!  What a deal. 

I ordered 10 of them and am eagerly awaiting their arrival.  If they make it here before the weekend, the wreath will have to wait. 

My other online shopping obsession is www. etsy.com.  They have the cutest handmade stuff.  Today I found matching outfits for Aisha and the baby and although I originally told Rocky I would not dress the baby and dog alike, I may have to rethink it.  It's just so cute!  It would be even cuter when the baby is small and new.  Perfect for a photo!  I'll have to work on him for that one.

A Road Map to Who Knows Where

So after brushing my teeth last night, I stripped to do my nightly rub down with the fantastic body butter that is suppose to prevent stretch marks.  As I am lathering it on the ever growing belly, I notice that my torso has turned into a road map.  It literally looks like someone took a blue pen and drew ALL over me.  I continue to inspect the belly and follow the trail of vessels along my side, up to my enormous boobs, across my chest and back down.  These stupid veins are HUGE.  And they are either right at the surface or my skin is now paper thin.  I'm pretty sure one is going to pop through the skin at any moment.  I mean, seriously, I look like I'm turning into a smurf.

I yell for Rocky to come in and check it out and he is in awe.  He spends a few minutes poking at them before his attention is drawn to something else.  Before I know what is happening, he has grabbed a measuring tape and is trying to measure my nipples, which have taken over my boobs.  The areola has doubled in size and the nipple sticks out a good fourth of an inch.  They now stick out through the painter's tape I was using to hold them down.  I have graduated to nursing pads just to keep the nipple under wraps.  Before long, my entire boob will be all nipple.  For obvious reasons, this posting will not have photos.   

The Cinch

My biggest pre-pregnancy fear was that I wouldn't be able to get back into my jeans after the baby.  I was scared my body would be ruined forever.  I'm still not convinced otherwise...Actual pregnancy, morning sickness, sleepless nights, and even labor seemed like minor details in comparison to not getting my pre-baby body back.  Vanity is an ugly thing, I know (although I think actual labor has moved up on the scary list).  I have taken every precaution I can think of to spare my body any damage possible.  With the exception of a week here or there, I'm still running several times a week, lifting weights, and doing yoga (all with my doctor's permission).  So far, other than a little back fat, these things seem to be helping and at almost 4 months the scale has only increased by 3 pounds.     

In a recent conversation with my wonderful friend, Kristyn (who shares my body vanity and fears), she mentioned one of her clients is the creator of The Cinch (http://www.byanew.com/About/) which is a post pregnancy tummy wrap that has a very impressive success rate for getting women back into pre-pregnancy clothes.  Of course, I jumped on it.  I immediately began looking into where I could purchase one, how much they cost, etc.  A few days later, I got an email from this same wonderful friend asking if I would like to pilot the new during pregnancy Cinch that the company is putting out.  They would send me the band (for free) and in return I would wear it and take pictures to post on their blog.  After the baby I would transition to the postpartum Cinch and continue to document my journey.  Um, let me get this straight.  You are giving me something for free that I really wanted anyway, that will help me get back in my pre-preggo jeans, and all I have to do is take pictures of my fat belly.  This is a no brainer!  Of course I am going to do it.  I cannot wait!  So, in the name of science, here are some belly pics.

Here is the belly at 7 weeks pregnant (don't worry, the rest are with my shirt down!) 

      

Here is the belly at 9 weeks...

and at 13 weeks. 



Happy Birthday!

My birthday marked the end of my first trimester!  Thank goodness.  I celebrated with a pumpkin spice latte (thank you Tiffany!), a fantastic steak, and a shopping spree.  For my birthday, the baby gave me meat back... well, steak, but it's something.  Rocky took me out for a great steak dinner where I ate the ENTIRE 6 ounce fillet I ordered.  I have also become quite a fan of O'Doules (nonalcoholic) beer.  Rocky now agrees that the baby is most likely a girl.  He said she is already high maintenance and has expensive taste.  I'm just looking foward to the steak dinners in my future!  



After dinner we went on a little shopping spree.  No luck with pants, but I found some cute tops that I think will cover my unbuttoned pants for a little longer.  While we were there, Rocky picked out a shirt for me also. 



Today, I continued to celebrate with my teammates at work with another pumpkin spice latte (thank you Christine!) and some delicious cupcakes.  OMG, they were amazing!  They are from a great little bakery in Georgetown called Galaxy Bakery and Coffeehouse (galaxybakery.com).  My friend, Christine, turned me onto this place last year and they are just as amazing as they look.  This has been a fantastic birthday.    

I need to get my Cinch (http://www.byanew.com/post-preggo/cinch.html) soon because I think the belly is about to start growing! 

12 Weeks Visit

Our visit to the doctor revealed that our baby finally looks like an actual baby.  No more blob.  There are arms and legs and even a nose.

During the exam, she (I think it's a girl now) jumped around a few times, but then settled in for a little nap.  She seems very laid back!  As of today, she measures almost 6 cm long and is developing perfectly.  Her heart rate was 161 which is primarily what I am basing her gender on. 

After the sonogram, which it totally the only fun part, I had to give some blood.  I thought it would be easier because it is just a finger prick, but it hurt much worse than the arm needle!  Geez, I felt like she sliced my finger off.  And I didn't even know you could get bruise on the tip of your finger, but I have one!  I have a whole new appreciation and sympathy for my poor brother in law who has to prick daily.  It sucks! 

So now that it's a girl, I've had to change my thinking a bit.  I am by no means disappointed, but I really thought it was a boy.  To get in the girly mood, I started looking at girl bedding and I found some that I think I really like (at least for now).  I don't want anything too baby-ish or pastel so I had to do some searching.  So far, here are the front runners. 

This is my favorite.  I like the bold print and bright colors.  The flowers girly it up without being over the top.  I probably won't do a pink wall or rug, maybe a different accent color. 

I like this one for the same reasons.  Bold prints and bright colors.  I have a friend who can paint canvases similar to the ones in the picture so I could easily recreate this room.  In both room one and two I like the use of lime green.  

The jury is still out on this one.  Bold print, but I kind of feel like it should be in a retirement home rather than a nursery.  Maybe it's too gardeny.  Not sure.  

Feel free to comment and make suggestions!  I'm open to ideas (for now)...

The Joke is on Me

Always a Bridesmaid...
So I was going to be a bridesmaid in a wedding 3 weeks after my due date.  Crazy me really thought I could pull it off.  I have now realized this is insane and probably very stressful to my poor friend Kimi, the bride, so I pulled out of the wedding.  She was amazing about the whole thing and I am still determined to at least make it to the wedding.  I have already lined up a sitter.  However, I did not come to this realization until AFTER we went dress shopping.  When we get to the shop, my other friend Gina informs me that I am trying on the dresses.  Yes, let's make the fat pregnant girl put on and take off her clothes a million times in order to stuff herself into dresses that don't fit.  To make matters more interesting, I was not wearing panties (because all the ones that fit are in the laundry) and I had not groomed down there in a few weeks (which is like not grooming for a year when you are on prenatal vitamins).  So I spent the afternoon feeling like a stuffed turkey and I couldn't even have a drink afterwards to feel better. 

Meat Craving (Well, kind of...)
It has been over a month since I have eaten any meat and I was beginning to think that I should invest in an chicken coop with the amount of eggs I was going through.  Again, my poor portable mate at school had to endure the smell of boiled eggs for lunch several days a week.  What a great food.  They smell like a fart BEFORE you eat them.  Then one evening, to my surprise I got a crazy craving for something new. 

Yep, that would be THREE crunchy tacos from Taco Bell.  The baby was very specific about what he wanted.  Taco Supreme with lettuce, cheese, sour cream, and of course, mystery meat.  So, the first meat I have in ages might not actually be meat at all. 

Mean Girls

I think the baby might be a girl because I'm pretty sure she hates me.

ACL was this past weekend.  Friday night I wore my normal jeans and a tank top and had a blast.  I wasn't too tired and I ate some fantastic nachos from Tony Love's Love Shack.  Saturday morning I went to the closet and grabbed my pre-planned outfit only to discover that the short I planned to wear had a different idea.  Overnight I went from normally-buttoned pants to no-way-no-how shorts.  Of course this caused a major meltdown where I declared I was not leaving the house again.  Poor Rocky.  He came to the rescue and started trying to help pick out something I could wear.  He was smart enough to go for skirts with elastic waistbands, but these still caused a roll in the middle of my belly and set off another round of tears.

"If I looked pregnant that would be one thing, but everyone is just going to think I'm fat!" I wailed into his chest.  I'm pretty sure he was holding back a laugh at my irrational thoughts, but he was very supportive, insisting that I did indeed look pregnant.  Finally, we found a skirt that I could pull up to my bra under a tank and avoid the nasty cut in half look. 

My next clue into the gender of my child came in the form of a craving.  I have not eaten any meat in about 4 or 5 weeks.  It completely grosses me out.  So, as I packed my lunch yesterday morning, I was surprised to find myself reaching for a can of tuna.  Especially sense I wasn't a huge fan of tuna before the pregnancy.  I decided to go with it and did actually enjoy it for lunch... ALL of it.  Just as a precaution, I double checked online about the amount of fish I can have while pregnant.  I discovered I had just consumed my entire week's worth in one sitting.  Did I mention it was a LARGE can of tuna?  I didn't think it was really a big deal until I got home and all I could think about was tuna.  Dinner, I wanted tuna.  All night I thought about my yummy lunch.  I woke up this morning and considered tuna for breakfast.  So, it turns out that the one source of protein that I really really crave just happens to be the one protein that I can only have in moderation.  This baby has a very nasty sense of humor. 

Finally, I have been waiting for today for months.  My sister gave me Journey tickets for the concert tonight.  I have eagerly been waiting and planning, so excited to get to see them.  We were going to drive to San Antonio after work and arrive just in time.  So of course, on Monday I began to feel a little under the weather.  Tuesday was worse and I worried I was getting strep.  Today (concert day) I still feel pretty bad and Rocky doesn't think we should chance it.  We wouldn't get back until really late and he thinks it would aggravate whatever this is.  So it looks like the only journey I will be enjoying today is the one from the car to the couch.  So bummed. 

All I know is this better be one cute baby...
 

Bathroom Secrets

So the baby isn't even here yet and it has already altered the state of my marriage.  Since meeting and becoming a couple, we talk about and share almost everything.  ALMOST.  The one off limits topic has always been the bathroom, or more specifically, what occurs in the bathroom.  I am not shy or squeamish and my girlfriends and I have discussed the topic countless times.  I just choose not to discuss it with the one  person with whom I need to maintain  my sex appeal.  For four years I have managed to keep the mystery alive and have had my husband convinced that I do not poop.  This has required some skill on my part and some really good timing, but I have pulled it off.  Vacations, family get togethers, weekends, even illness, but he has never had a clue. 

That all changed this week.  Because I have had some serious food aversions, my diet has been less than stellar.  Meat and salad are both currently on the baby's "Do Not Eat" list.  Add to this that the baby LOVES cheese and prenatal vitamins and you will begin to see where this is going.  After a week of no bathroom action I was not in the best of moods.  I finally clued Rocky in to my predicament and thus began the downward spiral. 

Finally fed up one evening, I went into the bathroom to sit until something happened.  About 20 minutes later I get a text message..."Are you okay?"  I emerge and inform him that I am not okay and that it was  not a successful visit. 

At the grocery store the next day I decide to try a different approach.  I purchased Fiber One cereal, Fiber One snack bars, and a ton of fruit.  I also started adding spinach to my protein shakes.  Rocky periodically checked in with me from day to day to see if there was any progress.  My bathroom habits were quickly becoming a main topic of conversation and at this point I am well on my way to my demise. 

The final straw came when I finally had a successful bathroom visit at work of all places.  I was so excited and relieved that without thinking I texted my husband, "I finally pooed!!" To this came the response, "Wow!  I never thought I would get a text like that from you!  What can we do tonight to celebrate your 10 pound dump?"

We are now one of "those" couples all thanks to this baby...

No Shows

I am considering another early pregnancy purchase out of sheer necessity and for the safety of all. 

I was more than a little excited when my boobs grew a size with this pregnancy.  I have had fairly small ones my entire life and so this new development was pretty entertaining.  What I was not prepared for was the constant nipple-hard-on.  Now I have had issues with "perky" nipples before, but have always been able to contain them.  No so much anymore.  At the gym, no sports bra or top can hide them.  I have resorted to masking tape to hold them down, but they still manage to pop out.  I spend more time running to the water fountain so I can try to press them down discretely than I do lifting weights.  And I'm pretty sure I'm not fooling anyone with what I'm doing over there.  This week a guy got on the treadmill beside me and didn't even try to hide his stares...for the entire 30 minutes I was there.  I would like to pretend that he just thought I was hot, but I have never gotten that kind of attention at the gym pre-nipple.  Even my padded bra is no match for these suckers.  I'm worried they are going to become a safety hazard.  I mean, I work with children...what if I put an eye out!