This past weekend Rocky went with me to the mall to return some preggo pants that I didn't like. I tried on a million other pairs, but all of them made me look like a tick...short, round, and squatty. In frustration I hung them all back up and told him we should just get a refund. And then I burst into tears and had a total meltdown in the middle of the mall. He handled the return while I sobbed at the front of the store, pretending no one could tell because I put my sunglasses on. I proceeded to cry hysterically all the way home and for about an hour after that. Then yesterday I spent two and a half hours at the domain trying to find a dress for a wedding that didn't make me feel like a watermelon. I finally settled on one (that I WILL be wearing Spanx under) and called it a day on the verge of tears AGAIN. Funny how shopping now has that affect on me.
It's a little ridiculous. Not the crying, but being pregnant (gasp!). I know, you aren't supposed to say it out loud, much less put it in print. But it's true...and I think with all that's going on with my body, I deserve a good cry every now and then.
It isn't that I don't want the baby. I'm over the moon about the baby. In fact, give it to me now and let's call it a day. The baby I love. Being pregnant I hate. I'm ready for the baby to live on the outside of me. I get that I'm creating a new life, I have super powers, it's a miracle, blah, blah, blah. I don't care. It sucks. And I don't want to hear how it will be worth it in the end. I know... that's where I'd like to be now. Bring on the sleepless nights, the two a.m. feedings, the diapers, the mess. I will take it all right now and you can keep the bloating, the belly, the mood swings, the total loss of control of you own body.
And I know that I sound like a brat. I have had the easiest pregnancy known to man and I appreciate that and feel lucky and blessed. It still doesn't make me like it. It's like having the flu. If it only last a few days, you are extremely thankful that you weren't out a week or more with it. It does not mean you are jumping up and down yelling, "Yay! I have the flu. Whoo hoo!"
So judge me if you must, but these are the facts. And for my two friends who are closely watching me to see whether or not they want to embark on the journey, I want you to know that I wouldn't undo it. I hate it, but it's a means to an end. I definitely do not understand those women who are depressed after having the baby because they aren't pregnant anymore. I assure you that will not me me. We will be having a huge "Hurray the Baby is Out!" party. Prepare yourselves.
You can "Hooray, the baby is here!" at my wedding with wine! :-) If you think you are depressed about your body changing when pregnant, just think about how incredibly fat I'd be pregnant. My ass is already big...it will become ENORMOUS and my soon to be husband will put me on the biggest loser!
ReplyDeleteI think we should have lots of hurray parties: Hurray, I'm the smallest I'll be for the next six months! ...Hurray, I got to use the mommy -to- be parking at IKEA! You know, little mini parties to prepare for the huge Hurray the baby's out party.
ReplyDeleteAnyways, at least you have a good reason to cry. I cried while flipping through a book about a pet hamster at the book fair, in front of parents and kids...I pretended it was allergies. And I cried when Juan told me how the guy at chikfila just let him take his meal b/c he forgot his wallet...it's nice, but really?!
You guys are so sweet! I love the idea of mini parties! I'll have to start thinking about which one to have first:) And Kimmi, I will definitely celebrate with some wine at your wedding!
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