Pineapples, Butter, and Peeing

The belly now qualifies as ginormous!  Holy cow.  I can't get up off the couch without a push from Rocky.  I have to roll out of bed and I'm trying really hard to teach Aisha how to tie my shoes.    

Belly at 31 Weeks (in a different tank!)

I have entered the bargaining phase.  I have offered this baby just about any and everything if he will make his appearance during spring break.  37 weeks... perfect timing.  My new craving is fresh pineapple.  I eat about 1 every few days.  I am polishing one off right now as I type one handed.  Interesting because I just received and email saying my baby is the size of a pineapple.

This pineapple is apparently taking up so much room there is none left for my bladder.  I got up a whopping 4 times last night to pee.  I pee and then when I stand up to pull up my pants, I already need to pee again.  I try to keep my eyes closed while peeing so that I don't fully wake up, but then I start to wonder if I am actually peeing in my bed in some kind of dream, which completely wakes me up.  I now  also have to limit myself to 2-3 squares of toilet paper each time, otherwise we'd go broke just buying toilet paper.  

Oh and then there is the nipple cream.  As if having to put "belly butter" on every day wasn't bad enough, I now have to lube up my nipples to prepare them.  Prepare them for what?!  I'm pretty sure no amount of attention is going to get them ready to turn into utters.  They are already pornographic, but now they get to be shiny and smooth.  Arg.  I need a full time assistant just to slather on all the butters and creams I have to put on in a day.  And while they're at it, maybe they could run the vacuum.