One Hot Mama

When I started telling people I was pregnant, everyone kept saying, "Oh you're so lucky you won't be pregnant during the summer because your hormones will give you hot flashes."  Well I have spent the entire winter freezing my butt off (and yes I know it's Texas so it isn't that cold) waiting for these hot flashes to kick in.  I sat in my pitiful little classroom in an uninsulated portable building from 1978 wrapped in a snuggie wondering when I might feel my fingers again.  I cranked up the heater at home before Rocky got off work and sipped hot cocoa just to take the chill off my bones.  I slept in pajama pants and long sleeves snuggled under the covers all night and took hot showers the next morning trying to store up some heat for the long cold days.  I put on layers of clothes, scarves, and jackets before facing the day.  Finally, I decided that my internal heater was broken, and I gave up hope of every lighting the pilot.  

Be careful what you wish for.  About a week ago, I woke up one night sweaty and gross so the next night I slept in a tank top and shorts.  Again, I woke up sweaty and gross.  We tried turning the air down, but I still woke up sweaty and gross in the middle of the night so I stripped off my pj and tried sleeping al naturale.  My husband was pretty excited about this approach, but it didn't work.  Nothing worked.  This continued night after night so I decided last night I would stopped sleeping under the covers all together.  I piled them at the foot of the bed and fell asleep.  This morning... I woke up sweaty and gross.  So, it would seem that my heater did finally turn on.  Now, does anyone know how to turn if off?     

I Stole Milk from a Kindergartner Today

So I officially have a problem.  I've mentioned before that I crave milk in a ridiculous way.  Rocky jokes that we should buy a cow because it would be cheaper.  Last weekend we bought 2 gallons at Costco and although we were out of town all weekend, they are still long gone.  So I stopped at HEB yesterday afternoon to buy another gallon and I noticed this morning that it is more than halfway gone... and Rocky is out of town so it is all me.  Still, I wasn't too worried about it until this morning when I realized I have hit an all time low.  This morning I hijacked a couple of kindergartner in the hall who were returning the breakfast bags to the cafeteria.  "What's in your bag?" I asked the first one.  "Breakfast," she answered, clearly confused.  As a teacher I should know that it's the breakfast bag.  "I know, but do you have the food bag or the milk bag?"  Without waiting for a reply I rip open the top and find a bag of individual cereals.  I dismiss her and move on to the second kindergartner who isn't sure what to think about the crazy teacher raiding the breakfast bags.  I don't even bother to talk to her about her bag.  I just pull it open to reveal a bag o' milk.  "Bingo!" I announced as I snag a milk.  I barely make it around the corner before it is open and I am chugging straight from the gross little cardboard box.  My only regret was that I didn't grab more than one. 

What's Your Sign

Since this little guy is constantly moving, I thought I would check out his astrological sign and see what we are in for once he arrives. I definitely don't live by the zodiac, but I have found that the descriptions of the signs are interesting and usually pretty accurate. If he arrives on time, he will be an Aries.

"Aries are fire signs and those born under this element are regarded in astrology as adventurous, active and outgoing. Aries is a uniquely naive sign. Although they are independent, outgoing and assertive they are also surprisingly trusting, often innocently walking into the lion's den at times. No matter what upheaval, challenge or triumph they confront - an Aries has a wonderful ability to bounce back. Their faith in life and the future remains untouched by hardship. Their gift is that they are always children at heart and the world is always a magical place for them. Many famous sports people are born under this sign. Aries is regarded as the most physical sign and because of its Mar's rulership it is also one of the most highly charged masculine energy signs in astrology. For the Aries male, a woman has to be a real woman to deal with him, because he is looking for many balancing component traits (his true feminine side) in his partner.

Aries people are 'doers' rather than 'talkers'. They are the impulsive, act first, ask questions or have doubts later, sign of the zodiac. That's why their lives are often filled with many dramas and sometimes even accidents! Their ability to live life close to the edge provides them with a wealth of 'real experience' to call upon. When an Aries person talks about something or somewhere they've usually done it or been there, rather than simply read about it in a book. Being active people Aries can't adapt to any kind of restriction, particularly possessive relationships. They often travel to escape any feelings of being stuck or possessed. Aries people love challenges. In fact, if everything is running smoothly, they are quite capable of going out and doing something (sometimes quite foolish) to rock the boat. Aries love to race in where angels fear to tread."

According to the Chinese calendar he will be a Dragon.

"The Dragon is one of the most powerful and lucky Signs of the Chinese Zodiac. Its warm heart makes the Dragon's brash, fiery energy far more palatable. This is a giving, intelligent and tenacious Sign that knows exactly what it wants and is determined to get it. Dragons possess a certain natural, charming charisma that ensures they can always influence their peers and often find themselves the center of attention in social situations. Its ego can get in the Dragon's way, but even so, this larger-than-life creature has a knack for initiating projects and keeping the troops motivated. According to Dragons, it's their natural born right to lead the way -- because who else could do it so surely and so well? The role of leader is the only one the Dragon wants, the better from which to give orders and be king of the hill. They make solid leaders, too, knowing instinctively what needs to be done to stay on top. Crossing the Dragon is never a good idea -- this beast can singe! A valuable life lesson for this clever creature would be to absorb the principles of flexibility, compassion and tolerance. If Dragons can learn to balance their quest for success with an appreciation for the little things, their life will be more than worthwhile."

So regardless, it sounds like we are in for some trouble with this one. 

He has nipples, let him do it...

We finally attended our breastfeeding class and being that I'm really not that modest, I didn't think anything about it until we arrived.  There were boobs everywhere and frankly it made me a little uncomfortable.  Boob posters, rubber boobs, boob handouts, even knitted boobs.  Then there were the weird boob contraptions: nipple shields, pads, tubes and of course, the videos.  To make matters worse, our instructor kept demonstrating with her own boob which was weird on a whole other level.  It was like porn for babies.  Rocky and I giggled through the entire class, clearly demonstrating our maturity as parents.  And if I need boobs as big as the ones in the video, our baby is going to starve.  Those things were huge!  She literally could stand at the side of the crib and hang it over into the baby's mouth.  Dear Lord, please don't let my boobs get that big.  I don't think I could support them.  We also established that absolutely NO ONE will be allowed to stay in the room at feeding time once Jake arrives.  Holy cow!  I can do without the audience now that I know what a production the whole thing is.  In fact, I think I'll let Rocky handle the feedings.  He has nipples, let him do it. 

Pineapples, Butter, and Peeing

The belly now qualifies as ginormous!  Holy cow.  I can't get up off the couch without a push from Rocky.  I have to roll out of bed and I'm trying really hard to teach Aisha how to tie my shoes.    

Belly at 31 Weeks (in a different tank!)

I have entered the bargaining phase.  I have offered this baby just about any and everything if he will make his appearance during spring break.  37 weeks... perfect timing.  My new craving is fresh pineapple.  I eat about 1 every few days.  I am polishing one off right now as I type one handed.  Interesting because I just received and email saying my baby is the size of a pineapple.

This pineapple is apparently taking up so much room there is none left for my bladder.  I got up a whopping 4 times last night to pee.  I pee and then when I stand up to pull up my pants, I already need to pee again.  I try to keep my eyes closed while peeing so that I don't fully wake up, but then I start to wonder if I am actually peeing in my bed in some kind of dream, which completely wakes me up.  I now  also have to limit myself to 2-3 squares of toilet paper each time, otherwise we'd go broke just buying toilet paper.  

Oh and then there is the nipple cream.  As if having to put "belly butter" on every day wasn't bad enough, I now have to lube up my nipples to prepare them.  Prepare them for what?!  I'm pretty sure no amount of attention is going to get them ready to turn into utters.  They are already pornographic, but now they get to be shiny and smooth.  Arg.  I need a full time assistant just to slather on all the butters and creams I have to put on in a day.  And while they're at it, maybe they could run the vacuum.