Taboo

taboo adjective: proscribed by society as improper or unacceptable

Apparently, being pregnant is in fact taboo.  I'm not sure from where this so called society thinks it originated, but I am starting to think we are not too far past the barefoot and pregnant mentality.  About a million things have pissed me off this week in regards to pregnancy, none of which have anything to do with my growing waste size or my raging hormones. 

I now understand why shopping for maternity clothes triggered a fit of tears EVERY time.  Because only Heidi Klum understands and you can only buy her line of clothing in bits and pieces at random stores.  To begin with, the quality of maternity clothes, specifically pants, is ridiculous unless you spend $100+ on pants you can only wear for about 6 months.  Yes, my ass is wider, but that doesn't mean I don't notice that the pockets on my jeans are lopsided and oddly spaced.  Having one pocket on my thigh rather than on my other cheek just isn't working for me.  In fact, doesn't this draw more attention to my posterior?

I also don't understand why everything has to make me look like I myself am the child.  Is it necessary that all my tops tie in the back?  I'm pretty sure my ginormous belly will hold everything in place.  And on the topic of the ginormous belly, it makes no sense that the majority of tops have horizontal stripes, which according to all the fashion magazines, only makes you look wider.  It's like the think tank on this one sat down and said, "Yes, let's take hormonal women who already feel fat and gross and let's give them fashion disasters that make them look even bigger and squattier!"  It's a wonder we don't have an epidemic of pregnant suicides on our hands. 

All of this is assuming you can even find the maternity clothes at any given store.  Apparently, they think pregnant women are a minority.  I'll give props to Target.  Their tiny little section is at least with the other women's clothes.  At Kohl's, I have walked that store 50 times and finally decided I had been misinformed and that they did not carry maternity.  By accident this week I stumbled upon their two racks in the most logical place...against the wall, in a corner, between the bras and the robes.  This is on the opposite side of the store from women's clothing and there is not sign announcing maternity.  You have to recognize a brand name or notice the lovely elastic belly band waste that has been neatly tucked in to conceal it from sight.  Are we really that repulsive?  At Burlington, I again came across their section my mistake.  It is located in the farthest corner from the door between the strollers and the toys.  Not even in the clothing section.  At Macy's it's BEHIND customer service, by the service door and they didn't even have a light above the section.  It is no wonder we are all stuffing ourselves into our pre-pregnancy clothes or ill fitting larger sizes that may reveal a peak at the belly or a boob from time to time. 

Thank God for my mother, who suggested we skip maternity all together and opt for cute sweater dresses to get me through the winter.

So if one day you pass me and see a little more of me than you would like, don't judge... blame the department stores.