Strange Things

First off, my ob is stupid and I hate her.  It's a little late in the game to switch doctors so I'm just avoiding her and I have told the baby he has to come on a Thursday because that is her day off.  I would rather have a complete stranger deliver my baby than my ob and that's saying a lot.  I think she has forgotten that she is treating emotional pregnant women, not farm animals or men.  I appreciate her straight talk and no nonsense approach.   That is what made me stick it out with her in the beginning, but at this point I am a little over her bedside manner.  Just for that, I am not going in next week for my appointment.  The baby is doing great and I'm pretty sure I'll survive one week without her sticking her fingers up my vagina while insulting me.  After delivery, I will schedule all my appointments with my original nurse practitioner whom I love and hopefully never see her again.

Anyway, off that rant.  So last night, after an annoying doctor's visit, Rocky took me out to eat at our favorite hole in the wall.  In the spirit of trying to induce labor, I decided I should order something spicy since that is an old wives' tale I haven't tried.  There wasn't anything on the menu so I hesitantly ordered a side of jalapeños with my meal.  They came all diced up which I decided made them easier to pile on each bite.  After a few bites I complained to Rocky that the stupid jalapeños weren't hot at all and the experiment was a bust.  He piled a few on his enchilada to see for himself and had barely chewed when he grabbed for his water, his face turning bright red and his eye tearing up.  "Those are really hot!" he tells me.  "Maybe I just got a few bad pieces," I reason, although I had eaten half the bowl already.  He begins to fork specific pieces onto my plate.  "Try this one," he says as he passes me one full of seeds.  Down it goes.  Nothing.  He tries a similar piece at the same time and downs half his glass of water in seconds.  We go back and forth like this a few times until he finally declares my taste buds jacked up and surrenders.  It was the weirdest thing because I am usually super sensitive to spicy food.  Maybe the baby is sitting on that nerve ending...

Get this Baby OUT!

It's been a while since I posted!  Partially because nothing too exciting has happened and partially because I am too tired and lazy to actually log on and put two sentences together.  For those of you interested, here is the week 36 belly picture in all it's glory.

And here is the week 37 baby picture! Poor guy has his mom's cheeks!  But I do have to say he looks much cuter than his alien picture at 18 weeks.  What a fatty!  He currently weighs 6 pounds 11 ounces.  I'm pretty sure he's going to be an 8 pounder, which is fine.  I'm good with anything below 9!   

At our last check up I was 50% effaced and only dilated to a 1.  This is very discouraging, but there's little we can do but wait.  But that didn't stop me from trying out a few old wives tales.  Yesterday I hit a whole new level of  miserable so I spent part of the afternoon googling.  

After work Rocky and I went to dinner at Maggiano's where I had Eggplant Parmesan which several women on one baby blog said did it for them.  I also read cleaning the kitchen floor on your hands and knees can do it.  I assume it is more the position and motions so I cleaned the bathtub instead and then look a long hot bath.  I spent the last part of the night bouncing on my exercise ball.  Exhausted I finally went to bed hoping to wake in the middle of the night to labor.  

Instead, I woke up at nine o'clock having slept better than I have in months, but still pregnant.  On today's agenda: primrose oil, a long walk, and high heels.  

What's Wrong with Your Belly?

I work with older elementary students for a reason.  Not necessarily because they have more common sense, but because those little ones scare the bejeezus out of me.  Today, both worlds collided.  My morning started off in the front office where I ran into a friend from last year who is now in 5th grade.  I see this kid regularly in the halls, it's a very small school, but apparently he hasn't noticed me in a while.  A long while.  As I stand there talking to a teacher someone mentions something about the baby and due date, blah blah blah.  Out of no where my 5th grade friend (who is in the office waiting to go to in school suspension) yells out, "Mrs. Kelley!  You didn't tell me you were having a baby!"  I look at him and I am about to make some sarcastic comment when I see his face.  He is visibly hurt that I kept this secret from him for 8 whole months.  I walk over and sit on the bench with him.  "I didn't tell you?" I asked him.  "Are you sure?"  He is shaking his head before I finish my sentence.  "No.  You didn't, " he tells me.  Honestly, I should be touched by his concern, but it was all I could do not to laugh out loud.  Instead (because I am a fantastic teacher who always considers students' feelings...please hear sarcasm) I apologize that he is the last to know and confirm that I am indeed having a baby boy.  This soothes his hurt feelings and we are apparently on good terms again. 

I leave the office and head down the first grade hall toward my classroom.  There is a line of about 6 first graders standing in the hall, one of which I see every single morning when I check  him in for our behavior program.  I stop for a second to remind them of hallway expectations because they are a little rowdy and their teacher hasn't made it out of the classroom yet.  As they get in a line and turn their voices off my little behavior friend points and says, "What's wrong with your belly?"  I look down and he is pointing at my large almost 8 months pregnant belly.  Without thinking I say, "Nothing is wrong with my belly.  There's a baby in there."  Seriously.  This was my response to a seven year old.  They all start to giggle and whisper.  I'm regretting my decision to stop and reinforce hallway behavior expectations at this point.  "A baby?  How'd you get a baby in your belly?" he asks.  I realize my mistake and look for an out.  There isn't one.  They are all looking at me expectantly.  I grab the first out that comes to my mind.  "We are not supposed to be talking in the hall!  Those are the rules.  Get in your line and wait for your teacher." And with that I all but sprint down the hall (which of course, is breaking another hallway rule.